The social domain that develops connection, bonds, and belonging. By nurturing your relationships with people, animals, and nature, you gain a place where you belong and people to share your life with.
OVERVIEW
The Relationships Life Area fosters true connection, so you grow strong bonds and find belonging in the world.
Develop good relationships, and who you are changes for the better. People not only greatly influence your actions but also shape your character.
Neglect your relationships, and isolation follows. Happiness is meant to be shared, and without relating to others, life becomes empty.
ON THIS PAGE
What is the Relationships Area?
Relationships cover presence, communication, and authenticity. Connection is fundamental to happiness. Everything in nature exists in relation, so the stronger our bonds, the deeper our sense of belonging to the world. Life is all about relation to humans and the more-than-human world. The latter is often overlooked but of equal importance to human flourishing.
The greater your relationships, the easier it is to share and receive. Relationships only work when you go there to give. Connection is not merely something you gain as an individual but can produce big changes in both parties of the relationship. Paradoxically, our character gets shaped in the connection with another. And character in turn determines destiny.
The deeper the relationship, the more you are changed by it. There’s always a dance between the self and another. The self can easily be lost in relation to another, yet without relationships the self cannot exist. Individuals are constantly faced with this tension between relation and isolation. Knowing how and when to connect is the skill that the Relationships area develops.
Don't isolate yourself
Given that most of us live in a highly individualistic society, it’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we do not need people, animals, and nature. But it’s the ability to cooperate, relate, and share that brings many of life’s most fulfilling experiences. The trend toward isolation is therefore worrisome, as many people live without close contacts or a relationship with nature.
We naturally crave connection, and without it, we turn to empty substitutes like phones, substances, junk food, or other addictions. Yet the relationships we do build with friends, family, and colleagues often resemble toxic reality TV drama and dissolve quickly. On top of that, the natural world is suffering, leaving us to bear the consequences of alienation.
Despite the great risks that come with relationships, existing in isolation from people and nature makes us lose touch with reality. Left entirely alone, we easily become self-destructive. To achieve some sense of wholeness, we must be able to relate and empathize with other beings. It is because of relationships that an individual can discover their identity and thrive.
How to create deeper connections
Some sense of wholeness achieved through self-work is required before one can form a healthy relationship. The most fundamental mistake we can make is to seek something in a connection. Only relationships where both parties focus on giving to one another will last. This requires both individuals, and you only influence one half of this equation. Relationships are very complex.
When you come from a place of authenticity, you’ll naturally attract the right people. This doesn’t take away the effort of getting out there, being vulnerable, and accepting that rejection (redirection) is part of the process. It is completely natural to share existence, and therefore, in time, relationships will form. So you should be discerning as to whom you spend your time with.
One cannot become close with everyone, and a higher quantity of relationships often lowers the quality. Good boundaries are important—to trust everyone and to trust no one are equally foolish. Healthy relationships stem from freedom and giving. What lies in your own control is to become who you really are and be completely open yet discerning to those you love.
Five Pillars of connection
Best books for relationships
1
How to Win Friends and Influence People
— Dale Carnegie ↗
Sincerely being interested in others is the basis of friendship.
2
Nonviolent Communication
— Marshall B. Rosenberg ↗
The gold standard for communicating without causing harm.
3
The 5 Love Languages
— Gary Chapman ↗
Attune to people’s languages so they feel loved.
4
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
— Nedra Glover Tawwab ↗
Learn to say no more often and create space for yourself.
5
Braiding Sweetgrass
— Robin Wall Kimmerer ↗
Authentic connection happens when we truly relate.
Common Questions
The Relationships area fosters connection, bonds, and belonging. This area develops all relational skills.
Every relationship changes both individuals, and how much depends on the depth of the interaction. You become the average of the people you spend the most time with. So choose your inner circle carefully, and work on yourself, because you influence them.
Connection is a felt sense that grows through shared time and experience. When you are fully there, without distractions, you can really bond with someone. Presence allows you to release your sense of self and relate deeply to another.
Find out what you really value, then find a weekly activity you can share with people who care about it too. If you want to become a writer, an athlete, or an entrepreneur, join a community of them and keep showing up.
For most of history, we lived in tribes of 30 to 150 people who knew each other by name, story, and role. Today we are free to choose who we spend time with, but that same freedom can leave us isolated. Belonging now has to be cultivated on purpose.
Far fewer than you think. One friend you can laugh with, one family member who is there for you, and a partner who loves you already make you rich beyond measure. Depth matters far more than quantity.
